Tuesday, March 13, 2012

My Mom died 10 days ago. Why do I love God more?

On March 3, my mother died.  It rocked me. This woman who raised me from an infant; who poured herself into the care and formation of her four children… was no longer on this world.  We each need a mother.  I no longer had mine.
For many days prior to her passing and many days after her passing, I found myself overwhelmed by the quickly rising waters of sadness.  On three occasions, I broke down while other people were present.  Once it was in the middle of church. (I think it embarrassed my wife, who simultaneously put her arm on  me to show her support). 

I could keep the sadness at bay a number of ways:  By working to increase her comfort in her final days; by working to arrange the funeral with my siblings immediately after she passed; by working on cleaning the decades of accumulated flotsam out of her house while all of us were still in town; by eating more; by sleeping when I couldn’t get mental relief; by trying to have some laughs with friends about nonsense.  But none of these controlled the sadness for long.  Before long it found a new way in.
Why in the middle of this sadness do I find I’m closer to God?  Isn’t my belief in God grounded in the idea that he will remove all sadness, and will replace it with a mindless sickeningly sweet joy?  No. I’ve gotten to know Him now for a few decades, and I know Him better with each passing year and with each passing difficulty and success...

(Read the rest at Wtness.org)

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