For several months, two people who are important to me have effectively shut me out of their good graces. We can't avoid interacting with each other, and when we meet, conversation is reduced to perfunctory exchanges, with not much enthusiasm. I will be frank here and admit that it hurts more than a little. In fact, I pass through most days with a melancholy accompanied by a lack of energy for most things.
I have tried to force myself to keep a happy disposition, and I've been temporarily able to use diversions such as seeing other friends or watching a movie to make myself feel better, but beneath it all, there is a long sadness about this.
Today I went to take a walk in the woods near a stream. I feel closer to the Lord then. I sat on a log an prayed. I had been spending regular time with the Lord in readings and prayer and fasting since January, so I'm starting to recognize Him when He's there, though it's nothing as certain as looking at a photo or talking on the phone.
My prayer began as a jumbled mess, with a hundred topics and questions. It didn't take long for Him to jump in and calm me down. I felt an involuntary calming down of my nerves, and then I had some thoughts that I wondered whether they were my own. They were not like the thoughts that in the last several months I had voluntarily generated. Those were like "What can I do to fix this?" "What did I do wrong?" "How can I say how unhappy I am with the mistreatment without making matters worse?"
This calming thought was like this: "
You are already taking the right approach by not reacting angrily or upset by this. You are doing the right thing by purposefully deciding to treat them well."
I admit, it did calm me down.
(Please to to WTNESS.ORG to read the rest of the story)
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