The choice

If someone put a gun to my head and said “CHOOSE! Choose between death or rejecting Jesus”, I would choose death. I would make that choice, because my life wouldn't be worth living anymore without the one thing that brings me sanity. The one thing that has saved me from sin.

You see years ago, I found myself falling into masturbation again and again. Unable to stop myself and always feeling rotten after doing it. Married and with children, it still occurred. One night, as the urge was overcoming me again, I said a simple prayer, "Jesus, I'm going to do this... unless you stop me. 

(Read the rest of the story on Wtness.org)

How does Jesus Talk to Us?

One friend of mine shared this story of how he believes Jesus communicated forgiveness to him... quite artistic!  

I won't share my friend's name, because he shared this in private.  
 
One day, when he was a young man, Carl (not his real name) had engaged in an activity which he knew would separate him from God.  We won't go into that.  Doesn't really matter.  Only that he felt very very ashamed and disappointed in himself. 

He went someplace to be alone, and began praying to the Lord for forgiveness.  After about 10 minutes of heartfelt prayer, he had a mental image, very clear, of a single drop of blood falling gently through the clouds and hitting Carl on the forehead.  The instant the blood hit him, he felt completely forgiven.  He said it was dramatic.  He felt clean all over.

Carl is a Catholic.  So out of curiousity I asked him whether he had ever felt the same feeling after Confession to a priest.  He said no, he had never felt that same feeling; he felt like it was a rote exercise.

By contrast, I've never had a blood drop image happen to me, but I have had a dramatically personal feeling of forgiveness after Confession.  I wonder why the difference.  My speculation is that it's not the circumstance.  It's the strong feeling inside us to admit our wrong to our Lord that brings the feeling of being forgiven.
...or...  greater than that....
that brings a real forgiveness communicated to us from Jesus to our hearts, so that we begin to believe.

Vicki Duffy overcame rape, self-cutting, drug use because of Jesus

(this blog has grown up and is now a full website.  Please go instead to www.wtness.org.)
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We all have heard of someone whose life is so messed up we just shake our heads, thinking there's no hope for them. Vicki Duffy had a life like that, and tried everything to get out of it. It was her last hope - praying to Jesus - that worked.


Vicki Duffy

 Vicki was born in Pennsylvania in 1968.  When Vicki was five, her mother's boyfriend raped her, then threatened to kill her mother and brother and dog if she said anything.  When Vicki was 11, she was raped by her own brother, who was thirteen, who convinced her it was her fault.  Raped twice by an Uncle at age 19.  During those years, she was abused, told she would never amount to anything, and told she was stupid. She felt deeply that indeed there was something wrong with her.  She became incredibly insecure and without any self esteem. 

By the time she was in her early 20's, she hated men (imagine that!) and led a promiscuous gay lifestyle. She was into drugs and alcohol.  She suffered from anorexia and bulemia, and had spent six stints in a mental hospital.  But the worst compulsion was self-abuse.  She cut herself with razors and burnt herself with cigarettes.  The scars, over 250 of them, are still visible.  She said "It was something I could control that nobody else could."

Scars from self-inflicted cuts visible years later

She tried to get help, and despite regularly taking 17 psychotheraputic medicines, saw no improvement that lasted for long. 

In despiration, she bought a Bible.  She opened it and in front of her was a story of a man who constantly screamed and purposefully cut himself, and in Vicki's view, evidently had mental problems. Jesus was able to heal him (see Mark 5).

Mad at Jesus for not healing her, she swore at God and challenged him to prove he was real within three weeks.  In those three weeks, she went to a revival meeting with Janny Grein and to a church in Florham Park, New Jersey.  She never felt so truly peaceful.  She knew it was real.  She said that no medication ever made her feel that alert and alive.  She made a decision to follow Christ in April 1995.

Within a year and a half, she had stopped all of the cutting and burning.  She had stopped taking the medications.  She was getting control of the eating.  And amazingly, unbelievably, she had forgiven her abusers.

By 1999 she was married to a wonderful Christian man who was able to see past all her past troubles.  She now has a son, and is still on the Christian path, openly sharing her story with others who also want to put a horrible past behind them. 

Do you have a life situation that you think is impossible to overcome?  You know what to try.  Rather, Who to try.

See Vicki Duffy's full story in this video:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaCImy92tg0

My commentary:  Is God Real?  I consider this more evidence.



What God's voice sounds like (experience #5)

Roughly eight years ago I was really into ice cream.  I must have eaten the equivalent of a half gallon every week.  Then I'd try to kick the over-doing of sugar and was able to stick with it for a few months, and then got back into the ice cream.  I was concerned about my sugar consumption because my brother Jim and my uncle Henry are both diabetic.  So I was at higher risk.

At one point I prayed to Jesus for will power, and nothing changed for several weeks.  But after staying with the prayer, I eventually "heard" this answer in silent prayer:  "I will be your sweetness".  

Quite enigmatic, eh?  Poetic too. Trust me, that's not a phrase I would have thought of on my own.

What it meant to me was that if I spent more time in prayer about this with Jesus, that he would replace my desires for sugar with a desire for more sweet time with Him, and that I would find that tradeoff to be more than satisfactory compensation.

I'd like to say that I reacted exactly as he had offered, but I must admit that I was only able to give up ice cream for about another month.  Then I got back into it.  Over several see-saws like this I heard His phrase "I will be your sweetness" over and over.  But when I was not responding adequately, the phrase stopped, and I continued to struggle with over-doing the ice cream.

Just three years ago my doctor did a blood sugar test and said that my blood sugar was getting too high.  I slacked off the sugar a little bit, but not well enough.  At the next annual physical exam, my doctor reported that I was on the verge of being diabetic, according to my blood sugar reading.  It scared the crap out of me, and I cut out sugar out of fear.

I'm embarrassed to say that I paid more attention to fear more than love.

I also noticed that had I taken Jesus' advice years ago, I would probably have never reached the point of being tested as pre-diabetic. Even though He must have known that I would respond to fear, He did not use fear in his message.  There was no "or else" communicated.  Only God would be that patient.  I'm learning that God is not a demanding boss.  He offers with love, and hopes that we trust Him enough to respond to what He knows is the best overall big-picture option for us.

What God's voice sounds like (experience #4)

In the previous post, I mentioned that I needed reminders to maintain a respect for the female form.  Here's one where, in my absolutely convinced view, God provided another reminder. 

I've been married for a very long time now and have held true to my vows, having sex only with my wife.  But according to Matthew 5:28, I'm still not in the best shape spiritually because of where my eyes go.
 
Last month (July) I was grocery shopping for my family on a Saturday morning.  In July it's hot out, and I wear shorts and so do the women.  Many of us "people watch", and that activity can be harmless or not.  I noticed that I was looking way more at the beautiful women and way less at the ugly old men.

I've been attempting to put more time into my relationship with the Lord by prayer since Jan. 1 of this year.  And I've noticed I "get" what he wants to say more quickly now.  The sermon messages and Bible verses and Bible study conclusions that apply to particular situations come to mind more easily, and they seem to be "just what I need". 

But on this day, I again believe I heard the Man's "voice" in the back of my head.  Here's what I "heard":   "To me, that woman has no greater or lesser worth than any other person you see.  All are souls."

The implied message I got from this was that I should also do the same.  In this case, I have been able to repeat that phrase to myself whenever I find myself glancing towards a pretty woman, and I'm able to see her as a soul.  Not 100%, I admit.  But much more readily.

To read more stories like this, click the link for the label "Sound of God's Voice" below this posting or in the right-hand column.  You'll see all stories with that theme.

What God's voice sounds like (experience #3)

The previous post reminds me of a time when I too believe I "heard" God enouraging me.  So I'll share it here too.  This is also "R-rated", but worth being frank about.

I was about 27 years old, not dating anybody, and working out by myself in a weight room.  Nobody was around. While laying on my back on a bench, pressing iron, I was feeling pretty in-shape, and started to dream about sex.  In my mind I was picturing (excuse the directness) a woman's vagina, and very much enjoying staying with that image as long as I wanted.  It's important to say that I was in enjoyment mode and not feeling any hesitation or guilt despite what my parents taught me about respecting women. 
 
In a completely unexpected moment, I "heard" a strong, caring, father-like voice say very clearly to me "This is one of my greatest creations.  Respect it as such."  

This was the first time anything like this had ever happened to me.  I was quite alarmed.  The words were quite distinct, even though I did not hear them through my ears.  I heard them in the back of my head.  It was not a thought of my own.  It came from someone outside of me. 

You would think that my alarmed reaction would be akin to being caught by the school principal smoking behind the school, like "Man, I'm in trouble now!".  But it was not that kind.  I was alarmed at the idea that the God I already believed in was someone who would interact with a mere peon like me.  I was alarmed that He was that close to me.  I was alarmed that He knew exactly what I was thinking. 

But curiously, the alarm did not translate to fear.  His delivery was distinctly more loving and undertanding than a school principal.  But at the same time I did not feel like he was telling me that savoring those pre-marital sexual ideas were OK.  He was reinforcing His commands, but in a way that I felt more loved than chastised. 

There was no question in my mind that it was God, and I will hold that memory my entire life.  

Being a human though, the way it affected my behavior wore off over time and I needed additional reminders over the years.

To read more stories like this, click the link for the label "Sound of God's Voice" below this posting or in the right-hand column.  You'll see all stories with that theme.